As a fake journalist, it’s my responsibility to ignore evidence and eyewitnesses and just make stuff up and hope it gets those sweet, sweet, sugar daddy clicks (just like a real journalist).
This past Friday, I took Harold Jr on a stroll up-n-down the square. We went around, down to the park by the railroad tracks, back up to the square, over to RPM, in a few dark alleys, back to Leaf & Bean, to the square part again, fell into a place called “Shitty Narnia”, and then decided to go home.
On the way home, in our own Square (that’s what I call my Kia), I began to ponder about how lucky we had it: Almost three hours were spent perusing the streets of Newnan, from dusk til dark, and not ONE crime was committed against us! My first thought was, “Are we not GOOD enough to have someone crime us?!” but then after realizing that not every situation in my life is a chance for me to get offended, I moved on. I counted my blessings. I counted the un-crimed hairs on Harold Jr’s head and felt truly blessed to live in such a safe town.
But then again…
Surely I must’ve missed something, right? This is America. Land of the FREEZE, Home of the BRAH-BRAH (sound of a gun? I dunno. I’ve never shot one), and the plethora of evil forces working against us good Christian folk had to be at work, even if I hadn’t noticed it immediately. The much more likely scenario is that I am dumb and I was distracted by Downtown Newnan: The Hot Mom Capital of the South and just didn’t notice all the crime.
“But Harold, what can you do now? It’s too late. You’ve failed us.”
The only thing I’ve failed is my family and myself (and my last few jobs and my God…) but that’s where you come in. What crime is plaguing are fine City that I should focus on?! Vote! Help! Guide me! HAROLD IS GOING TO BE THE NEW UNOFFICIAL SHERIFF IN TOWN!
Newnan Time with Harold 