written by Shawn Tritz
“No!” Madame Legume was trained to stay focused until the job was done. She would not be distracted by Craig.
Lima swung around with her butter knife posed for a deadly throw. A gentle but firm hand grasped her throwing wrist. Craig said, “Lima, baby, don’t.” She seemed to waiver a second but Craig felt Lima detach her prosthetic arm to free herself while dropping the butter knife into her free hand all in one deft maneuver.
But Craig was quicker, grabbing her other arm and whispering “mascarpone” into her ear.
Lima’s will faltered as she pivoted.
How could Craig do this? After all these years, how could he invoke the code word they agreed to all those years ago in spy training school? Sure they made vow to keep each other grounded on all their future missions. But that was before they took separate paths with different Coweta spy agencies. Agencies that sometimes collaborated, but often clashed with their goals.
Lima looked deep into Craig’s familiar facial features. The crooked nose forming a side facing chevron, the side smile that first drew her in. Those eyes, one unwavering, both dark and fierce. The other…kind of dark too, but with movement that was always off-time like it was suffering from dial-up internet lag and slowly looking away, seemingly interested in what’s happening to the side.
Her senses returned and she thrashed around to catch a glimpse of her prey. Santa had just finished paying his tab and was wheeling out of the Alamo, stopping to wish others a Merry Christmas. But no matter what Lima did, she couldn’t free herself from Craig’s hold. Or maybe she didn’t want to. Her head was all fuzzy, like an oft-washed Snuggie crammed into her brain. Regardless, it was torture to get so close to mission accomplished, only to see him escape her clutches in the mere 840 seconds Craig contained her wrath.
Lima was crushed. She came to her senses and brought a roundhouse that connected with Craig’s head sending his eye into a crazy, spiral orbit. Lima’s Pa always knew those clandestine Muay Thai lessons behind Target were worth the hefty price he paid. Craig let go and Lima was off.
Lima knew this wasn’t that last she’d see Craig. She would get her answers about the Twister fiasco of ‘02 involving her, Tone, and Craig as spy school recruits. But now was not the time.
With one less arm, she raced out to the square, blinded by the sun, but Santa was nowhere to be found. The throngs of market attendees were everywhere. Suddenly, a tomato nailed her in the side of her head.
An old lady shopping at the farmer’s stand yelled out, “You miscreant!”
“It’s the lady who tried to kill Christmas!” squealed a young girl.
Lima tried to maintain her dignity settling for a quick walking pace, keeping her chin held high.
A young hipster came out of the coffee shop and threw a near-empty cup of coffee at her. A permed up teen walked out of the gym and tried to snap at her with his sweat-dripped towel, narrowly missing. “Why did I park across the square?!” thought Lima chided herself.
A handful of records came arcing through the air like wild frisbees, each one crashing as they just missed her.
Lima was momentarily thankful the art store was only occupied by older women as she swatted away the attacks of macramé when out of the corner of her eye she noticed the oldest of the group trying to lift a large unpainted porcelain statue. Lima dashed to the safety of her car.
“What am I going to do?” Lima was in a sullen state. Her mission was foiled and Master Tone was going to be furious. Her phone jumped to life on silent buzzing.
Lima answered, “Hello?”
“Greetings, Miss Lee.” It was the now familiar voice of Ellis Crook sounding as smooth as the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral. “I just wanted to make sure you got the details to the 2024 ECCE SELS tomorrow night. I emailed you some details.”
“Oh! Yes. I’m sorry. I’ve been running around trying to get my head chopped off,” responded Lima. “But can you just remind me where it’s going to be?”
“I do declare. We don’t need any tragedy befalling your purty crown. The ECCE SELS will be for the grand opening of the brand new Mega Roundabout for Newnan!” Crook’s voice turned from smooth to icy “I hope you aren’t thinking of backing out of our deal, Miss Lee.
“Like your song says,
‘Wafflin’ around, can’t keep flip-flopping,
Life’s a short story, and I can’t keep stopping.’“
Lima should have known. Word on the street is that Ellis Crook had the scoop on some sordid deals members of the local council members were involved with. Since then, it seems Mr. Crook has had the town in his back pocket, giving him free reign to do all sorts of crazy things. The latest of his stunts is convincing the city, county, state, and federal government to turn the I-85/Bullsboro Drive exit into a gigantic roundabout. Sure the 14-lane-wide circle would be the first of its kind. And the appeal of non-stop movement alleviating the rush hour jams that happened daily was present. But were the multi-level ramps, bright LED and audio billboards, and loop-de-loop exit directly to Walmart seemed excessive.
“Of course not Mr. Crook. I just…”
Ellis Crook cut in, “No no. You will be there. You will be the star of the show, taking center stage at the roundabout during the light show. And when your song officially becomes the tune for Lulu’s Log Cabin syrup, your music career will finally take off. We’ll all walk away happy.”
Lima Lee had mixed feelings about it. Sure she would finally get the spotlight…but for syrup? Much less a brand always associated with scrapple. Was this her lot in life?
“And I wanted to save the surprise, but I can’t help myself,” continued Mr. Crook. “Not only will your song finish with Santa’s arrival…”
“Santa?” thought Lima. “My chance to finish the job?”
“But we’re also going to have a certain local celebrity joining you on stage,” said Ellis Crook. “Name rhyming with Gallon Saxon…”
Lima Lee was stunned. Her head started spinning and her vision blurred. Was this really happening?
“Oh and uh, don’t forget to wear your waffle costume Miss Lee. Oh, this is going to be so delightful. It shall be absolutely lit.” And with that Ellis Crook hung up.
Oh, I forgot to mention. I used Gen AI to help write lyrics for Wafflin’ Around. In case you want to post it (in the story or comments) for people to use, here are the lyrics:
(Verse 1)
In the morning light, staring at my plate,
Choices piled high, can’t decide my fate.
Wafflin’ around, like syrup on a stack,
Indecision’s got me, can’t seem to pick a track.(Pre-Chorus)
But life keeps moving, like a runaway train,
Can’t stay in limbo, need to break this chain.
Wafflin’ around, it’s time to take a stand,
In this dance of choices, gotta make a plan.(Chorus)
Wafflin’ around, can’t keep flip-flopping,
Life’s a short story, and I can’t keep stopping.
Decisions looming, like shadows on the ground,
Wafflin’ around, it’s time to stand my ground.(Verse 2)
In matters of the heart, a different kind of waffle,
Love’s a delicate dance, no time to dawdle.
Wafflin’ with emotions, like leaves in the breeze,
But waiting forever, won’t put my heart at ease.(Pre-Chorus)
Clock’s ticking loudly, in this love charade,
Can’t keep stalling, in this masquerade.
Wafflin’ around, it’s time to take a chance,
In matters of love, need to find romance.(Chorus)
Wafflin’ around, can’t keep flip-flopping,
Love’s a sweet melody, and it’s time for hopping.
Hearts are calling, no more being bound,
Wafflin’ around, let commitment be found.(Bridge)
Life’s a journey, with crossroads to face,
Decide my path, in this vast open space.
Love’s a journey, no time for delay,
Wafflin’ no more, it’s time to find my way.(Verse 3)
So here I stand, with a resolute heart,
No more wafflin’, time to play my part.
Decisions made, I’ll embrace the unknown,
In love and life, I’ll let my seeds be sown.(Chorus)
Wafflin’ around, I’ve stopped the flipping,
No more excuses, no more tripping.
Decisions firm, on solid ground,
No more wafflin’, a new chapter’s found
Newnan Time with Harold 