We here at Team Harold are no strangers to controversy (who doesn’t remember the “great PTC fire of 2022 that we are claiming responsibility for”) and are long overdue for a new cause:
We want to give Alan Jackson away and claim Luke Bryan as our own.
Shh. Shh. Calm down, ya angry rebellious babies. Let me explain. Alan Jackson has done plenty of wonderful things for our town and there is no taking away from that, but like in any DEMOCRACY, we can (and should) look at who is representing us and decide when/if it’s a good time to choose someone else. Well, you boot-scootin’-boogies, now is the time, and here is the why:
Luke Bryan is Younger
The first reason it’s time we move on is blatantly obvious anytime you watch “President” Biden attempt to exist. Can you imagine watching Alan Jackson in concert and he randomly trips? Or replaces memorable lyrics with mush-mouthed-gibberish-nonsese? Or replaces his guitar with drugs for his son? All these things are coming sooner rather than later if we don’t skew younger in our choice of country music representatives!
Luke Bryan Liquor Store
We have finally reached the point where our City sells liquor (down by the bay) and this is a wonderful chance to capitalize on it with the Cowboy Boot Messiah.
“But Harold, I’m a big dumb idiot and I don’t know what Luke Bryan has to do with liquor!”
You adorable fools.
My daddy spent his life lookin’ up at the sky
He’d cuss, kick the dust, sayin’, “Son, it’s way too dry”
It clouds up in the city, the weather man complains
But where I come from, rain is a good thingRain makes corn, corn makes whiskey
– Rain is a Good Thing, Luke Bryan
Whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky
Back roads are boggin’ up, my buddies pile up in my truck
We hunt our hunnies down, we take ’em into town
Start washin’ all our worries down the drain
Rain is a good thing
Alan Jackson Already Abandoned Us Once!
I don’t want to hear about how he NEEDED to leave to pursue his career in music! My brother has been living in Coweta for 32 years and he’s been doing just fine as a local musician! Does the name “Elijah” not mean anything to any of you? That bass-slapping sex-fiend is on the same level as Alan Jackson in every category except “likelihood to abandon his home.”
But Luke Bryan? Luke Bryan has literally NEVER lived in Newnan and then moved away! He’s not moved out of Newnan 100% of the time he hasn’t lived here!
What. A. Man.
And Finally… Alan Jackson Ain’t Even Cute Anymore
Alright. That last one might not be true. Baby boy can still get one.
And you can still get one (Luke Bryan) in Newnan by submitting your name below and then Harold will PERSONALLY deliver the names to Luke Bryan’s bathtub.
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Newnan Time with Harold 