I’m going to be very honest with all of you: I wouldn’t say I like PDA. It scares me. It turns me into a conservative grandma chaperoning a Sadie Hawkins dance. It makes me feel like a piece of Sprayberry meat. It makes me feel like every second, of every moment, of my entire existence, is being judged by God as if he was a middle school bully.
I think it stems from my first kiss:
I was 13. She was 15. Amanda Dubose (please don’t google her; she might get mad and travel time to double-dump me). We were playing Foosball in my basement. I was losing. My best friend was in the corner of the basement, laughing at how bad I was at Foosball. She, my angel of Foos, defended me against his constant criticism (though she didn’t stop beating me). She wanted to show she had my back, front, and mouth-el area. She wanted to show that I am not DEFINED by my skill with balls (Foosballs), so she came around the table and planted a big smooch-cooch-boogie on my lips.
What did my best friend do? It wasn’t a drum solo. HE LAUGHED! HE MOCKED ME! HE TOLD ME I LOOKED LIKE A GUPPY! My FIRST KISS involved losing at Foosball and being name-called by my BEST FRIEND. Ever since that day, I feel on the verge of mockery when I PDA someone cute.
How does a man ever come back from that type of PTSD (Post Traumatic Smoochin’ your Date)?
So, as I’ve grown up into this horrible person that I am now, I am hyperaware of when I go total PDA. It’s not because I might make someone uncomfortable or a grandma will be scared her grandkid might try to kiss before puberty: I don’t want to get made fun of. I’m empathetic. My best friend (Stuart–call him out) broke me.
You might ask yourself, “Connor, why is this dumb little boy writing an article about something he’s uncomfortable doing then? Is this clickbait? Should I block him?” Because there is some magic in Coweta County and every year or so, I am so drawn to the exoticism of a particular location, and I do it… I do PDA.
Here is a list of places I’ve happily done the PDA in Coweta:
- First Baptist Church Senoia (Annex)
As a childager, my life was First Baptist Church Senoia. We were homeschooled kids. Our homeschool group was connected directly to FBC. My dad was the music minister. My mom was an administrative-custodian-Baptist-lady-only type job. We were there 3-4 times a week. All my horniest of years went through FBC (in a usual growing-up way, not a gross way). After the SEAL OF KISSING had been broken, Amanda and I continued our relationship for several months. But now? I had something to prove.
Our favorite activity was making out in my room while watching Full House. She would criticize me until I went from doing a terrible job to a lousy one. It was true love.
But I also was proudly giving her the two-lip-rumble at church! In front of my friends and siblings! But, like, the annex, because doing it in the sanctuary would be sacrilegious! I didn’t care who was there, because I was a BAD BOY now!
We broke up a few weeks later…
2. First Avenue Park in Downtown Newnan
This is not just a place of PDA–this is a place of romantic significance. When my ex-wife was going through her divorce (the divorce that wasn’t with me), we went to this park night after night to escape the noise in our lives and talk. We spent more time in that park than we did any bed! We should’ve carved our initials into every picnic table because they were forever stained in our love! Imma go back right now and desecrate every bench!
While those early years represented a blossoming relationship, this spot also became where we renewed our vows after ten years of marriage.
My renewals weren’t good enough (I wrote something about “I vow to be aggressive B-E aggressive. B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E… lol, cheerleader jokes, amiright?) and while I hold no fault or anger towards our marriage coming to an end, there are so many specifics spot in that park where I look back and think “damn, that was cool and brought a lot of joy into my life!” You may have been there in September of 2022 and seen us dressed fancy, renewing stuff, and kissing faces.
3. Taco Mac Newnan
Trivia turns me on.
I am bad at trivia. I know Taco Mac food isn’t non-great. I know “I drank so much beer that I got a shirt” isn’t something any sane person would brag about.
But there is magic in those booths when you’re cuddled up, with 3,000 beers and chicken wings that cost $8 each and are trying to answer Disney-themed trivia. IT MELTS ME! This is the only place you’ll find me actively guilty of Public Displays of Affliction (that sounds like a metal band I’d hate).
You can sometimes find me wrapped around my girlfriend as lemon pepper wraps around a drumstick on any trivia night at Taco Mac Newnan. The only way to peel me away is to show me my trivia score
4. Newnan Theatre Company
You would think the only PDA I had fallen into at NTC would be as a stage character, wouldn’t you? Alas, I am guilty. So guilty that others at NTC created disgusting, specific, and hilarious rumors regarding me to try and make my PDA legend even greater!
When my ex-wife and I took off as a couple, we spent 5+ days a week, every week, performing/directing/managing at Newnan Theatre Company. It was our home (lol) and a place we felt the most comfortable. Unfortunately for others in our shows, this meant we tended to latch-up booty holds a lot more than necessary. Zero would have been the appropriate amount, but I CAN’T TAKE IT BACK!
And while we never got sexual in the facility, our mouths and hands were like dialogue in a Shakespeare play: it’s there no matter what, and no one wants to see it.
By the time we had calmed ourselves down, the rumors were already swirling, “they were having sex in the tech booth in the middle of a show!”
I wish.
The story was born because during “On Golden Pond” I accidentally played a car horn instead of a bird sound. Once. Out of 12 performances.
Look, if every time I made a mistake in a play, it meant I was having sex, then my body list would be as long as a list of Shakespeare shows that actors pretend to enjoy (the true number of both things is zero).
How about you? Where do you like to do PDA in Coweta County?
All photos pulled from Google Location Page
Newnan Time with Harold 