Whataburger Newnan Review

Whataburger? More like WhataMEHger

Review originally posted January 3rd, 2024

Before attending the Festival of Lights at Callaway Gardens, a cute girl and I decided to eat locally before trekking out of town. This isn’t normal for us. Have you eaten locally? I wouldn’t recommend it. But we decided to get the most out of our evening by eating quick, local food, BUT DIFFERENT.

That left us with a few choices:

Captain D’s (blech. Cardboard fish)

KFC (blech. Cardboard chicken)

Hardee’s (blech. Cardboard mold)

And the golden grail (what you call the grail?) of fast food chains in Newnan: Whataburger. And oh, did that burger have me saying WHAT?!

I’m not sure when the police-escorted lines stopped, but when I pulled into one of the 15 available parking spots, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this not the cool place to eat anymore?! Did I miss my chance to ride the vibe?”

We popped inside, where nearly twenty people were sitting at tables, most of them waiting for their food to be brought to them still: bad sign. The colors popped, and the digital menus were eye-catching. My heart jolted like an injection of Spicy Ketchup had been sent into it. Whataburger looks good. And–wait! OH GOD, THE FLOORS! Is this a roller derby track on their off days?! It looks like how Ellis Crook would design his house. How does a place with such a thoughtful design decide to copy the floorplan for a serial killer’s garage?

After immediately having our order taken, we waited 40 minutes.

40 minutes.

That’s the big 4 0 60 seconds.

But during the wait, the employees were super kind and helpful. We were repeatedly asked if we were OK/needed anything—and not in that “I’m asking because I have to, please don’t need anything” kind of way. Genuine care and effort were put into it. The employees we met? Great! They were the tastiest part of the experience!

The customers? They are a bunch of whiny babies. Half the people wanted to talk to the manager or complain at the front desk, which made it all take longer. Eat somewhere else, ya babies. The employees aren’t conspiring to keep you from your 19th fast food burger of the week, Carb Counter.

OK. So. Food?

The Patty Melt was yummy.

The fries are great!

The sauces are dope (but that Spicy Ketchup is overrated)!

The bacon burger was nasty town.

The chicken tenders were the worst.

Everything was cold except the heart of the Whataployees.

VERDICT: Would not eat at again while Burger King is so much better. But the public seems to love it, so the grade will slightly increase. What do you love about it, ya goof?