Ah, Texas Roadhouse. It is the purest of restaurants (right behind Wings & Things) and a pioneer of perfection. Any place in Newnan that offers steak, bread, chicken tenders, or beer must first answer to the King of All Things Delicious. This is in the grand honor of his majesty, Texas Roadhouse.
Firstly, what does that name even mean? Are the horns IN the meat?! Can I order one? If three horns don’t play with long necks, who plays with long horns? But I can forgive a bad name, considering my favorite place is called Wings & Things.
Secondly, you can decorate everything with dead animals or not do it at all. Some walls of this place look like a growing-up-to-be-a-serial-killer child decorated it, while others look like a respectable manor. Be who you are, Longhorn. Kill that squirrel.
But even though I had butter-wet dreams of the magic awaiting me at Texas Roadhouse, I understood that today wasn’t about me, so when dinner came, it was a dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse.
Now, this won’t be as lengthy a review as I lean into for local places. Covering a ton about a chain restaurant is not fun for anyone because the experience will likely be so vastly different worldwide, and the employees are all just cogs in the corporate Coke machine. With that said, here were the significant parts of Longhorn Steakhouse:
Speed of initial service: We were seated immediately, received drinks, had our order taken, and received our salad lickity-splickity. It was an excellent sign.
Caesar Salads were delicious!
The portion sizes are ideal for the price. The googly eye baddie and I got three meals from our purchase. But we also are relatively little-bellied.
Once properly heated, the rack of ribs was yummy, and my girl liked her parmesan-crusted chicken.
Ahem. There ya go.
When I received my food it was cold, like it had been kissed by Elsa. Like, beautiful, I-sure-am-assuming-legal-age Elsa started making out with my food before it arrived on my table. Which, due to Elsa being perfect, sounds like a wonderful treat. It wasn’t. I will agree that ribs can be good hot, warm, medium rare, or cold but cold fries are never good. And I don’t believe that the expectation when eating dinner should be cold, usually warm food.
So, I did something I rarely ever do (I’m a pushover), and I sent it back. Eventually, our server seemed to believe we didn’t need any more service. We weren’t getting the old “how’s your food?” So by the time I did have my food returned to be reheated, my gurlfrando’s food had now become colder. We were in a race against heat and we were losing! Longhorn stabbed our tire and destroyed our chances!
When you fast forward 20 minutes (slight exaggeration), all the food is now on the table, warm, and we are OK to eat. I am a type 1 diabetic and I had already taken insulin to get things lined up with my schedule. The food loss early on meant I had to manage my blood sugar with Jesus’ bread instead of Adam’s rib. Look, I’m not a Karen about my bloods, but I also am not a dead Karen. The boy gotta eat!
Although the food was nothing compared to Texas Roadhouse (there is only one other place), I think it was good. The price tag is heavy at Longhorn, but not more than every other sit-down chain in America. It is not worth that price.
Speaking of price tags, when our server showed up for the third/final time, she brought up our card receipt and… we were charged almost triple. What?! How?! WHY?! Oh. I see the confusion…
In an effort to get us in and out of their life as quickly as possible, we were accidentally charged for Table 33, not Table 53. And Table 33 bought a lot more food and drinks than I did. In fact, there was so much confusion by this that the lady from Table 33 came to speak to me (we had no idea where our servers) were and what do you think she did?
A) Offer to VENMO us Money
B) Try to get the manager
C) Bring us a copy of their receipt to try and figure it out
D) Say “Bless Your Heart” and walk away
That would be a big, thick D.
My lover bean was able to track down someone (the host) and the host ASSURED us that we hadn’t been charged yet and she could cancel it. And while I appreciate that this was not her job, I sure wish she wouldn’t have promised that because my Wells Fargo account said “LOL! You paid for their food, you idiot!”
By the time we could track down a manager, what do you think they did?
A) Cover our check
B) Offer a free dessert
C) Offer a discount
D) Say “sorry, it’ll be cancelled in 3-7 days on your bank statement. Please pay your check now.”
That’s a big, thick, horrible, disappointing D.
But even though I was a very angry, rib-sauced-fingered, diabetic Harold, I did not fight anyone on anything. I simply did what I always do: blame myself for choosing anywhere that isn’t Wings & Things or Texas Roadhouse.
D –
Newnan Time with Harold 