Newnan. Yes, 3 N’s no M. Not like Randy Newnan, more like your step grandmother, your New Nan.
Newnan’s got plenty, but could it have more? Yes.
Maybe we’ll elect a roundabout for Mayor.
Just maybe, we’ll elect a newly built apartment building as a city council member.
Everyone loves that shit.
Newnan was named after this fella, Daniel Newnan, who the kids would consider, “mid.” He was an upsetti spaghetti, white guy from North Carolina who ended up in Georgia and decided he was going to go fuck the club up during the Seminole War. By fuck the club up, I mean to go and try to kill a bunch of Seminoles, just because. Alas, Danny Nunan (I don’t respect him and will misspell his name) kind of got his shit rocked by a bunch of Seminoles led by a guy, whose name legitimately was King Payne. Well, it didn’t work out for Dunnty Narnen and after nine days of being stuck, they left. So, we let him name a town…
Anyways, fast forward to today and Newnan has a sort of “has all of the things you need but is missing some things you really want” vibe going on. After living here about 2.5 years, there are a few things that I think would be serious value adds to the one, the only, Newnan, Georgia. There is one thing that I think we’re ready for.
Take a moment and think about the place where you could have someone sweat on you and it really doesn’t matter. I hope we’re thinking of the same place. For me, it is the dentist or a live music venue. Just kidding, I prefer to be spit on at the dentist, just because of a “when in Rome” thing. We need a music venue. I think Newnan would really benefit from a 500-person capacity music venue. This is the sort of thing that has the potential to host bands that will become future legends. I think about The 7 Venue in Douglasville, which closed many moons ago. It hosted The Chariot’s final show, where Josh Scogin screamed his heart out, making music you could fight cops to. There are a lot of exceptional small bands that could easily make a stop here on the way to or from neighboring states like Florida, Alabama, Tennessee or the Carolinas. We’ve got the people; we’ve got the space and just enough small-town angst to really pull this shit off.
Now where would be the best place to put this? Simple. I have no fucking idea; I’m a hack-ass writer, not a real estate kind of gal. Preferably though, where that old factory at the edge of downtown was, that is now just an open-air speed dating venue for ghosts. I do think we deserve somewhere that is a PBR cesspool kind of place, one with at least one stall door missing and mirror graffiti. Now that a hypothetical venue is secured, we address who would play at this venue. Would it be a Smashmouth cover band called Pressnose? How about a speed-punk band called something fun like Spiro Agnew’s Herniated Disc? Maybe a deathcore band called 666Roundabout. Regardless of whether it’s an indie band called Vesse Jentura or some folksy singer named Gracie Ann, we can make this happen.
Now, do we deserve it? I don’t know, has Morgan Wallen said racist shit and thrown chairs? Yes. So yes, we do deserve it and we can make this happen. We just need to find the exact right Gen X’er who recently inherited money from their boomer parents dying and wants an income-generating hobby that will also shave years off of their life. We need someone who loves stress, I mean someone who just craves the experience of hypertension. We could even have a cool, past midlife but still call it a midlife crisis kind of boomer do it.
Regardless of who does it, we deserve it. Newnan needs a place to go and enjoy good live music.
Newnan Time with Harold 