The Thomson Gin Mayor

THOMSON, Ga. Potentially a place worse than Turin, GA (but that might be a stretch)

The mayor of a small town in Georgia has been charged with a crime for allegedly leaving a bottle of gin in a ditch intended for a state prison work crew. Benjamin “Benji” Cary Cranford, the mayor of Thomson, was indicted on Wednesday and taken into custody by agents from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation. Can you imagine? In the morning you’re cutting a ribbon for access to a new duck pond, in the afternoon you’re hiding gin in a ditch, and in the evening you’re having cuffs thrown on you while you try and use your Buy 1 Get 1 Spaghetti Noodle Free Mayor card at Shoney’s!

He is facing serious charges, including providing prohibited items to inmates and attempting to commit a felony. According to the indictment from McDuffie County Superior Court, the 52-year-old Cranford purchased a bottle of Seagram’s Extra Dry Gin on June 3 (blech–baby boy doesn’t even have taste) and left it in a ditch along Georgia 150 (blech–not even the nice ditch), where it was found by a work crew from the Jefferson County Correctional Institution.

Look, I don’t know what his method was for “hiding” the gin, but there are about 10 ways better than just “throw it in the ditch.” Here, let me help the next Mayor:

  1. Hide it in a paper bag labeled “Not Alcohol”
  2. Hide it in a deer caucus
  3. Give it to a squirrel and tie a bell around the squirrels tail so the prisoners know where it is
  4. DON’T DO IT
  5. Put it in a water bottle
  6. Dig a hole, mark the spot with X
  7. SERIOUSLY GET A LIFE AND DO ANOTHER THING
  8. Carve out a tree and shove it in there next to woodpecker
  9. Pour it out and let the prisoners suck it off the grass blades
  10. GUY, COME ON, QUIT

The Thomson police requested the GBI to look into the allegations on June 6. Cranford was arrested at Thomson City Hall following a city council meeting and was seen being led away in handcuffs, as reported by WRDW-TV.

After being released on $5,000 bail from the McDuffie County Jail, he did not respond to reporters’ questions. As of Thursday, there was no attorney listed for him in court records, and he has yet to make a court appearance. Other city officials have chosen not to comment on the situation. Jason Smith, the local community development director and city spokesperson, stated that the charges do not pertain to Cranford’s role as an elected official, so they have no further comment.

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