This post is in no way associated with The Newnan-Times Herald (but it’s hilarious if you think so)
This review will be expanded on at Newnan Podcast with Harold (anywhere you enjoy podcasts)
Certain days of the year are monumental in nature:
Jesus’s Wedding Anniversary
Santa’s Birthday
TitleMax Day
Abraham Lincoln’s Hat Appreciation Day
Out-auguration Day
Australia Day of Remembrance
Wizard of Oz Festival
Thanksgiving
Dentist Day
and now, what will probably only be a once-a-year event, “Sprayberry’s BBQ Date Day”
The idea came after 5+ years of poking fun at Sprayberry BBQ–actually, you know what, I am not going to keep typing out their name. It’s too much work. For some weird reason, my fingers have a sour time with the word “Sprayberry.” Knowing that when I type the first “r” that I have to type two more? My brain does not compute! So we will go with SBBQ. Got it? SBBQ is the name of the place. SBBQ = Sprayberry’s Bar B Q. It does not stand for “Some Bad Booty, Queen!” or “Slay Big Booty, Queens!” or “Such Bouncy Booty, Queen!” Although all of those are great things to say, it’s not what we’re discussing today. Today is about the SBBQ you can eat, queen.
Ahem…
The idea came after 5+ years of poking fun at SBBQ. Even without trying a single bite, I went after the legacy restaurant of Newnan in the spirit of humor and fun. I call it punching up. It’s a sign of respect–SBBQ is the king of local eats, as far as reputation goes. And that’s not to say that a King is entirely loved–they are just a king.
Is King supposed to be capitalized? Probably only when referring to a specific king. I dunno. I was homeschooled. We only discussed King David and the King of Kings Our Lord and Savior (and King Christopher Columbus, obviously).
I had also been aiming to get 4k followers on the Harold social media Facebook page (our second iteration of Newnan Time with Harold on Facebook–the first iteration never surpassed 4k) so it was a big deal. Once the 4k was hit, my girlfriend suggested we celebrate. And where, in all of Newnan, is there a better place to celebrate than SBBQ? Well, most places, apparently.
Now, this is not to say that there aren’t many things to enjoy about the King/king. From the moment you walk into the doors, you are met with an amazing aroma. This is surprising because the building looks like it’s caught in a time machine that won’t go past 1944. The place is dirty, it looks broken, and it seems to be intentionally lacking upgrades. But you will be distracted by the smell the fabulous cooks are working on.
And that’s another major area that I can give SBBQ props on: the staff. It’s like Chic-Fil-A on steroids. It’s like High School Musical if it was winning Tony Awards. It’s like a church youth group but everyone has the Bible memorized. It was the nicest, most helpful staff I have ever encountered in a Newnan eating facility. There was no question we asked that didn’t have a thoughtful, honest, helpful answer. And trust me, we asked a lot of questions because the experience/menu was overwhelming.
Congealed salad? Fries AND onion rings? “Just some BBQ” not being on the menu? Desserts we’d never heard of? If it was a question that could be asked, my HaroldGF and I were going to ask it. And our dear Emily was such a help in making sure everything was explained without ever overstaying her welcome. The girl knew how to hover without becoming a terrible drone. She was a nice drone. The type you buy for Dad’s birthday. She was the best experience I’ve had with a server.
There truly is an art form to it all and SBBQ’s employees are Picasso.
And while I did enjoy every conversation I had at SBBQ, the atmosphere is still intensely awkward. There is no music, you can’t hear the kitchen fun, the heat makes a terrible buzz sound anytime it kicks on, and the windows are so thin that you get a blast of automobiles zooming by every few minutes. It would be a simple solution–to just play some music–and I am shocked that the building doesn’t have a jukebox or some “oldies” rocking in it. I did not need to overhear every other conversation in the restaurant, but again, it’s not up to me. At least every other table was discussing how cute I was.
The venue needs some music. Live music even. Heck, you can pay me to DJ some music for you! Heck, I’ll just cry in a corner to add some ambiance!
I have included pictures of the menu so you can see prices, options, and the mega-plethora of food. This is another major compliment to SBBQ: they have so much food to choose from and the prices aren’t bad for the quantity of food that arrives on your (thank god it’s not paper or plastic) plate. So while I didn’t find much I loved this go-round, it is good to know there would be something totally different I could eat the “next time” I visit. When that’ll be? I dunno. Sometime in 2026 unless someone offers to buy me dinner or my grandma celebrates her birthday there. JK. My grandma doesn’t invite me to her birthday parties anymore.
After asking a million questions, we finally placed our order. I was quick to take my insulin (reminder: Type 1 diabetic boy) but the food was out even quicker than I was ready for! I typically take my insulin 20 minutes before eating and I think our food came out in about 7 minutes. Could I have sat patiently and waited for eating time? Sure. But the first bite of food revealed that it was already lukewarm and I didn’t want it to get any colder. So, I made my first mistake, and ate before my insulin caught up! What did I eat? How do I score it? How can you possibly relate to my sexy-as-all-get-out tastebuds? Let’s go from the worst to the best.
My grading system is based on the best version of the food that I can remember. I think Oink Joint is the best Brunswick Stew I’ve ever had, thus they are an A, and then we see how close SBBQ gets to tasting like Oink Joint. Get it?
Steak Fries – F
I do not like Steak Fries. I never have. Too potato-y for me and they’re never, ever hot enough. So I can’t even remember the best steak fries I’ve had, because they all suck. These were terrible. I ate half of one then tapped out. If you like steak fries, maybe this is for you. If you’re a sensible, decent human, go to Steak N Shake. Best fries in the world. Keep fries tiny!!!
Brunswick Stew – D
My girl and I tried to make sense of what this stew reminded us of. Oatmeal? Dog food (in texture, not taste)? Chili? Whatever it would be, it didn’t feel like I was eating a stew, it felt like I was eating a disappointment. Oof. Got ’em. While I didn’t love the stew, I am totally appreciative of what they were going for. It was a very unique way to serve and flavor a stew–even if I found it forgettable and bland–I could understand why others would like it. It got better the more I added to it, but on its own, I was very let down.
BBQ without the sauce – D
I took my pork BBQ the way they suggested it, as I wanted the full experience as authentic as possible. And while there was nothing offensive about its taste or texture, it just didn’t do anything impressive. It was like eating just to be sustained, but not at all for pleasure. Which, that is kind of the theme to SBBQ: bland and unoffensive. When your clientele is mostly older people, it makes sense to leave things plain and dump it to the customer to imagine what they want to add to it. I DO GET IT–I just think it’s the wrong choice. A wrong choice I’ll be respectful of. Ugh. Fiiiiiiiine.
Aristocratic Burger – C
This was basically a salad on a burger, but the burger meat was cooked very well (as in good, not like overcooked) and the combination of French dressing on a burger was intriguing and fun. I enjoyed this burger. The first thing I ate during the night that I was excited for a second bite of. My girlfriend was especially a fan that the salad falls out of the burger and then you get a free side salad on your plate! I hope this was purposeful and the cooks had it in mind to give out free salads because the burgers were definitely overstuffed with a salad. Maybe genius. Maybe bad portion control!
At this point, I went to the pee-pocket-potty-land and that was the worst part of the entire visit. I won’t explain why it was so gross, but it almost felt intentionally neglected. I sure hope not. Bathrooms aren’t THAT hard to keep decent (Harold says with 3 kids living in his house and knowing there’s toothpaste smeared every inch of it).
Onion Rings – C
I went from hating these to appreciating them immensely. They are not like the onion rings you’d get from a chain location, which threw me off and disappointed me at first. But then I slowed my thinking, found my Zen, kissed it, had it touch my boob a bit, and went to enjoy them for what they are: lightly breaded, onion heavy, softer than crunchy, and… sort of delicious. I can tell they put thought into how they decided to uniquely serve these and I applaud it. Dipping the onion rings into the BBQ sauce was an incredibly satisfying experience. At the end of the visit, the one thing I debated on re-ordering was more onion rings! At the true end of the visit, I did not.
BBQ Sauce – B
I had heard the horror tales of “vinegar-based BBQ sauce” and I assumed I was going to hate it. It was the top complaint I read on the internet and, after nom-nomin’ it, I learned that I shouldn’t have let myself buy into the anti-hype. Vinegar BBQ sauce is the superior BBQ sauce. It’s lighter, but when mixed with some pepper, it created an extraordinary combination for my otherwise Bland City BBQ. I recommend giving it a try. It’ll be one of only two things that I recommend you go out of your way to test.
The other is the Fried Pecan Pie with Ice Cream – A
It’s important to note that I don’t eat sweets, as I am always watching and controlling my blood sugar levels. I often have to sit out when the world is enjoying an amazing dessert. I often am enjoying an amazing whine instead. So, when I do get a bite of something deliciously kind to my taste buds, I tend to love it a lot more than the average Joe-rold. And I especially avoid “fried” desserts. This might be the first time I have tried a fried pie. Wow-wee Hot Dogs. What an amazing invention. If I didn’t have diabetes before then I sure do now! The inclusion of the ice cream was the perfect idea (thanks, Emily) and this blissful mister was the best thing I ate all day. Have you tried a Fried Pecan Pie?!? More of that. I’ll inject it in my bloodstream and just see how long I live.
“I just died in your Pecan Pie. Must’ve been something you said.”
VERDICT: Sprayberry BBQ (SBBQ) was not a good experience, but it wasn’t offensive to my tastebuds in the ways I was worried it would be. The food isn’t disgusting, it’s just nothingness. The venue desperately needs some renovations done. You can keep your nostalgic look, but at least make it seem cleaned up a bit. The prices are fair for the quantity, but maybe not for the quality. I do recommend visiting at least once, because of its reputation and its desserts. The employees were the shining stars in their tasteless pig galaxy.
D +
How does our grading system work? Everywhere we visit will receive either an A, B, C, D, E, or F. Your typical grading system, with what we call homeschooling added to it. And in the wild wild west of homeschooling, you can get an E grade as well. Here is how the letters shake out:
F – Absolute failure of a business.
E – Everyone should avoid this place, but if you’re dragged there for some reason, at least it won’t leave a scar on your life.
D – I don’t recommend going here more than once, maybe twice. I promise you can do better.
C – It is totally normal to complain while you’re here, but there’s a lot to compliment while you’re Karen-ing it.
B – One of the better options–above average. I can understand why some would love this, but it’s not one of my favorites.
A – I am proudly a regular here and will do whatever I can to promote, grow, and inspire this business. We are blessed by their astounding existence.
Now, what about those pesky pluses and minuses? This is where you come in! Before I review anywhere, I go into the people and investigate a bit on how they feel. If the customers are saying trash, they get a minus. If the customers are saying recycle, they get a plus. And no limit exists to how many pluses and minuses one can receive! But typically, it’s only one. Let’s not get greedy. The locals (well, the locals that love Harold) feelings about the places I visit will absolutely influence the review. I can love a place with all my heart, but if you hate it then baby boy is getting a “-” slapped on its forehead.
Newnan Time with Harold 