The federal government shutdown has reached Coweta County in an unexpected and tasteless way: the Newnan unit of the National Guard has been forced to suspend its year-long investigation into what locals have described as the “absence of all flavor” from Sprayberry’s BBQ.
Officials confirmed Wednesday morning that without federal funding, that Operation Smoke Ring has been taken off the military menu. The unit, which has spent countless nights testing sauce samples, examining rib rubs, and waterboarding pitmasters, had claimed to have been close to a breakthrough.
“We had just narrowed it down to either a missing spice shipment or an internal sabotage effort, and now we’ve been told to pack up our clipboards and go home. Newnan deserves answers, and right now we can’t give them.”
Newnan locals are said to be heartbroken at the sudden abandonment of a promising quest.
“Sprayberry’s was the reason people came here,” said longtime patron Darlene Walker. “Now it tastes like somebody boiled meat in a Crock-Pot and called it a day. And the administration doesn’t consider this a National Emergency? If we can’t trust Trump to look out for us, who can we trust?”
Local leaders have petitioned Congress to classify the flavor crisis as a matter of homeland security, but so far their requests have gone unanswered. Some worry that without the Guard’s oversight, the truth may never come out.
Until federal funding is restored, Newnan residents are left with uncertainty and leftovers that will sit in the fridge for a month.
Newnan Time with Harold 