WORRIED ABOUT THE RAPTURE OR WORRIED ABOUT THAT CUTE NEWNAN BOY?
Is He Ghosting You or Did He Literally Float Into the Sky With Jesus? 6 Signs He’s Either a Jerk or a Christian
Okay babe-a-que sauce, listen up. Like, picture this: you’re waiting on a “wyd” text back, and boom—his whole Snapchat location is just… gone. Is he being toxic? Or did he get raptured? Here’s my hot girl checklist (yes, I am a hot girl writing this)
1. The Fit
If his outfit is suddenly folded in a cute lil pile on the floor like he just poofed out of it girl, he’s prob vibin’ with the angels rn. If his jeans are just crusty in the corner? Nope, he’s ignoring you. Ew. Not slay.
2. Playlist Energy
Scroll through his Spotify (duh, you already have his login). If it’s like, all Christian rock and choir bangers, maybe God soft-launched him into heaven. If it’s Travis Scott? He’s alive and just not texting back, babe. And Travis is very problematic.
3. Insta Clues
Check his mom’s Facebook. If she’s posting Revelation verses with crying emojis—girl, congrats, your man’s gone. If she’s posting casserole pics, he’s alive, and doing things Jesus would forbid.
4. The Dog Test
Hot tip: pets don’t get raptured. If Mr. Solomon is still there wagging his tail, so is your man. He just doesn’t want to hang out.
5. Global Vibes
If like… half your office vanished too, then okay fine, maybe it’s the apocalypse. But if it’s just Brad from Bumble? No girl, he’s ghosting. Men are trash, not holy.
6. The Last Text
Did he hit you with “we should chill sometime fr lol” and then vanish? That’s ghosting, bestie. No angel trumpet involved.
Final Word
Babygirl, whether he’s in Heaven or just hiding in his gamer chair it’s giving “not worth it.” Block him, gloss up, and go find someone who wouldn’t leave you behind (an Atheist)
Newnan Time with Harold 