100 Crimes We Saw Happen at the Newnan Target

1. Stealing a shopping cart — Someone takes it home because “they’re basically free.”
2. Self-checkout fraud — A $19 steak somehow becomes an organic banana.
3. Price-tag switching — A $400 TV suddenly has a $7.99 clearance sticker.
4. Parking-lot assault — Two people nearly fight over a parking space neither one actually needs.
5. Merchandise tampering — Someone opens 14 packages of socks looking for “the perfect black.”
6. Shopping-cart DUI — Someone crashes a motorized cart into Seasonal.
7. Stanley theft — “I thought it was mine.”
8. Loitering — Six teenagers spend three hours inside and purchase one energy drink.
9. The Great Mayonnaise Incident — Nobody knows what happened in Aisle 14.
10. Lego grand larceny — Someone attempts to conceal a Millennium Falcon under their coat.
11. Parking-lot drag racing — Two Chargers race toward the exit.
12. Fraudulent return — Someone returns an eight-year-old air fryer.
13. Vandalism — Valentine’s decorations are rearranged into something obscene.
14. Public intoxication — Someone becomes drunk from “free samples.”
15. Toddler kidnapping attempt — A parent tries to physically remove a child from the toy aisle.
16. Criminal littering — Someone leaves a Starbucks cup directly beside the trash can.
17. Assault with a rotisserie chicken — A dispute over the last one gets ugly.
18. Counterfeit currency — Someone attempts to pay with Monopoly money.
19. Trespassing — A customer wanders into the employee-only area.
20. Disorderly conduct — Someone screams because their favorite self-checkout is occupied.
21. Retail espionage — A customer follows an employee asking when Stanley shipments arrive.
22. Grand theft scooter — A teenager steals an electric scooter and gets about 30 feet.
23. Arson — Someone microwaves something that absolutely should not be microwaved.
24. Identity theft — A kid uses Mom’s Target Circle account to buy Pokémon cards.
25. Public indecency — Someone changes clothes behind a display.
26. Coupon conspiracy — Three grandmothers coordinate coupons like a criminal syndicate.
27. Extortion — A child demands a toy in exchange for silence.
28. Animal cruelty — Someone accidentally leaves a goldfish in the cart.
29. Attempted burglary — A teenager tries walking out with merchandise while maintaining eye contact with security.
30. Parking-space homicide — Someone steals a spot from a person who has been waiting 11 minutes.
31. Theft of seasonal decorations — Someone steals a giant inflatable skeleton.
32. Fraudulent gift-card scheme — Someone insists a blank piece of cardboard contains $500.
33. Aisle racing — Two children turn the shopping carts into NASCAR vehicles.
34. Assault by pool noodle — A summer clearance argument gets physical.
35. Breaking and entering — Someone enters through the wrong automatic door and insists it’s Target’s fault.
36. Retail terrorism — Someone intentionally leaves their cart sideways in the middle of an aisle.
37. Criminal conspiracy — Four people attempt to find an employee who can unlock the locked electronics cabinet.
38. Grand theft Christmas tree — Someone attempts to roll one out without paying.
39. Fraudulent receipt production — “I bought this here last Tuesday.”
40. Attempted bribery — A customer offers an employee $20 to “just check the back.”
41. Harassment — Someone asks an employee if they “work here” while they’re wearing a Target shirt.
42. Public indecency — A man tries on underwear in the aisle.
43. Assault with a baguette — Bakery section dispute escalates.
44. Vandalism of the dollar section — Someone rearranges everything and creates complete chaos.
45. Criminal possession of 37 shopping carts — One person somehow has an entire convoy.
46. Kidnapping — A child is carried away from the toy aisle against their will.
47. Conspiracy to avoid the checkout line — Three customers attempt to create their own checkout lane.
48. Theft of a Halloween costume — Someone walks out dressed as Batman.
49. Counterfeit coupon operation — A suspiciously professional coupon printer is discovered in a minivan.
50. Public disturbance — Someone loudly announces that Walmart has better prices.
51. Assault with a frozen turkey — Thanksgiving dinner takes a violent turn.
52. Attempted grand theft of a TV — Two people carry a 75-inch television toward the exit while pretending everything is normal.
53. Retail stalking — A customer follows the same employee through six departments.
54. Parking-lot hit-and-run — Someone leaves a note saying, “Sorry. God bless.”
55. Criminal trespass — Someone sneaks into the stockroom looking for toilet paper.
56. Fraudulent price matching — “It’s cheaper online” becomes a 45-minute investigation.
57. Assault with a pool float — Two adults fight over the last giant inflatable flamingo.
58. Theft of baby formula — Someone attempts to conceal it beneath a sweatshirt.
59. Public indecency involving a mannequin — Management immediately regrets having mannequins.
60. Attempted bribery of a self-checkout machine — Someone whispers, “Please just take it.”
61. Conspiracy to steal Halloween candy — Three children coordinate a massive candy operation.
62. Criminal mischief — Someone places every clearance sticker on completely unrelated items.
63. Fraudulent return of a live plant — “It was like this when I bought it.”
64. Assault by decorative pumpkin — Autumn spirit gets out of hand.
65. Theft of a shopping basket — Someone takes one home and uses it for laundry.
66. Parking-lot road rage — Someone honks because another driver stopped for pedestrians.
67. Possession of suspicious quantities of Red Bull — Nobody can explain the 46 cans.
68. Grand theft air mattress — Someone attempts to leave with one inflated.
69. Disorderly conduct at Starbucks — Someone waits seven minutes for a latte.
70. Attempted escape through the garden center — A shoplifter discovers the gates are closed.
71. Theft of a giant plush animal — Someone carries a six-foot teddy bear through the exit.
72. Fraudulent use of Target Circle — Someone claims they are “definitely” a different person.
73. Assault with a Christmas wreath — Holiday shopping becomes hostile.
74. Retail espionage — Someone photographs every clearance shelf.
75. Kidnapping by shopping cart — A child gets pushed around the store against their will.
76. Public drunkenness from a mimosa purchased elsewhere — Security has questions.
77. Attempted theft of a self-checkout scanner — “It was just sitting there.”
78. Vandalism of the restroom — Someone writes an extremely detailed Yelp review on the wall.
79. Criminal possession of an unreasonable number of candles — Nobody needs 43 candles.
80. Theft of a mannequin’s clothing — The mannequin is left standing there naked and disappointed.
81. Parking-lot hit-and-run involving a shopping cart — The cart has fled the scene.
82. Assault with a rotisserie chicken container — The lid becomes a weapon.
83. Attempted theft of a Christmas tree — Suspect claims it was “already paid for.”
84. Fraudulent scanning — Someone deliberately scans every item twice and then removes one.
85. Conspiracy to monopolize the self-checkouts — One family occupies six machines.
86. Trespassing in the employee break room — Someone follows the smell of someone’s lunch.
87. Grand theft vacuum cleaner — Suspect makes a surprisingly fast getaway.
88. Public indecency in the fitting room hallway — “I only needed to try one thing on.”
89. Assault by giant stuffed animal — A 5-foot Squishmallow becomes a projectile.
90. Criminal littering with receipt paper — Someone leaves a receipt long enough to reach the parking lot.
91. Theft of a shopping cart containing groceries — The groceries are left behind because apparently the cart was the target.
92. Attempted bribery with Starbucks — “I’ll buy you a coffee if you let me back there.”
93. Fraudulent return of an empty box — “The product was defective.”
94. Parking-lot intimidation — Someone circles a parking space three times while glaring at everyone nearby.
95. Retail vandalism — Someone builds a tower out of 47 cans of soup and walks away.
96. Attempted theft of an inflatable Halloween decoration — The suspect gets tangled in it and becomes the decoration.
97. Assault with a pool float shaped like a unicorn — Newnan’s strangest 911 call.
98. Organized crime — A family of five divides up the shopping list and attacks Target from multiple entrances.
99. Conspiracy to steal the last PS5/Xbox/whatever the hot console is — Complete with getaway vehicle waiting outside.
100. The most serious Newnan Target crime of all: leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot instead of returning it — Witnesses say the suspect looked directly at the cart, shrugged, and walked away.