Not everything I do is a hit.
There’s a fine line between information meant to misinform and information meant to entertain. And as the oftentimes-controversial, but always-times-handsome creator of NEWNAN TIME with HAROLD, I’ve had years to learn what that line is and grow my respect for the real journalist in Newnan.
When you see the name “Newnan Time with Harold,” it likely takes a double-take to make sure you read it right. No. It is not the newspaper. It is a play on words. A satirical take on Times-Herald that plays into my social media persona: Harold.
Harold is a mustache comedian that sits behind the computer screen (and in front of the phone camera) to run Newnan Time with Harold: a satirical, often times bizarre, humorous attempt to laugh WITH each other and get to know each other. Newnan Time with Harold aims to raise awareness of small businesses, show that the public figures of Coweta are just regular people like us, and remind us all that in this big, dumb world of ours, we’re still a community. The goal was never to misinform and embarrass the reader. Sometimes I got it right, other times I’ve missed that mark. You won’t always hit the bullseye when you’re shooting thousands of arrows way too fast while your blood sugar is crashing.
There is no way to build a community on misinformation. When Newnan Time with Harold posts a satirical take on The Newnan Times-Herald, the goal is always to make it so unbelievable and silly, that the joke is found within that context. This requires trying, failing, trying again, succeeding, and repeating that process hundreds of times. If the goal of Newnan Time with Harold was just to misinform and trick people, I’d have no following. The moment someone says, “this isn’t the real news, and I feel dumb for thinking it was,” I lose that supporter. I’m not aiming for one-time clicks. I’m aiming for full-time belly laughs. Like a bowl full of jelly. But BBQ flavored jelly, since we’re in Newnan.
Cameo is an online platform that allows fans to request personalized video messages from celebrities, athletes, musicians, and internet influencers. Users pay a flat fee set by the personality to receive custom shoutouts for birthdays, holidays, pep talks, or roasts.
In my mind, I could get back $5 per “Cameo” and put it towards paying for website fees, new cameras, merch to give away, etc., and, more so, people would love to challenge my creativity in short videos. That was the most exciting aspect: challenge me!!!
That’s not what happened.
In my thinking, Newnan would see me as a comedian, ask for something silly, and enjoy my brain. I forgot something very important: everyone, everywhere, apparently, is just a perv at heart.
I got 4 video requests: one answering a question on data center, one happy birthday, one graduation, and one request… for my feet.
I am not judgmental when it comes to the people of my local land. I love y’all. And I frequently tell people, “If you could see my DMs, you’d be shocked. Our city is wild.” People making jokes that would lose them their jobs, requests to make posts that would get my page banned, and stories about Newnan that not even I could believe. That type of community engagement is why I am here and keep doing this.
I will hear out anyone who thinks I am important enough to contact, even when that request is for a video of my feet.
The request wasn’t easy. This man (only known to me as “J”) wanted a 3-minute video that followed this pattern:
Minute 1: Me wearing my shoes (his choice of pair) and slowly taking them off.
Minute 2: Me wearing my socks (his choice of pair) and slowly taking them off.
Minute 3: Me moving my toes.
And for this, he was offering $15 a MINUTE! That is the most money I’ve ever been offered per minute in my life, so I wasn’t sure what to do. On the one hand, I need money. On the other hand, my feet? (funniest question I’ve ever written)
“Foot fetishes are widely considered the most common non-genital sexual preference. Experts attribute them to a combination of neurology, where brain maps for feet and genitals overlap, and classical conditioning, where a person develops the fetish through early-life experiences or positive associations.”
This helped it sound innocent enough, and honestly, a request just to watch me take off my shoes and socks (something I do every day anyway), made me feel like “hey, so, why not? That’s $45.”
But where does that thought process end? I do a lot of things every day. Would I want someone paying to watch me shower? No. Watch me put on my Christmas PJs? No. Finish adding human hair to my life-sized Scooby Doo doll I keep in the garage? Definitely not. There are things that aren’t J’s business, and I was afraid to figure out where that line was drawn.
But also, that’s $45 for owning feet!
At this point, you want to know if I sent the video?
Did I sell my sole to the devil?
Yes.
I did it.
I took off my shoes.
I took off my socks.
I took off my judgmental boots.
And made $45 for doing it.
At this point in my life, 37 years into it, I can honestly say that “some man in Newnan owns a 3-minute video of me taking off my shoes.”
And honestly, maybe that’s the lesson here.
Community is weird. J, wherever you are in Newnan, you’re weird.
One person wants local satire. One person wants updates on city council meetings. One person wants to know if Sprayberry’s has changed their sauce. And apparently, one man just wanted to watch me remove a pair of Brooks shoes like it was the season finale of The Walking Dead.
I can’t promise every idea I have will work. Some posts miss. Some jokes go too far. Some business ideas accidentally turn into foot-based side hustles.
But I can promise this:
Nobody cares more about this strange little town than the strange little people inside it.
So thank you for reading the jokes, supporting the page, sharing the posts, and occasionally paying my utility bill through highly specific footwear-related content requests.
Newnan Time with Harold 