Auctions, art, VIPs, vendors, music, drinks, raffles, food trucks, t-shirts, sponsors, and PORCHES!
You might think I’m describing the Mayor Keith Brady’s secret residence in Peachtree City, but not this time! This time, we are highlighting the best of the very best that came from the hugely successful Newnan Porchfest 2025!
ABOUT PORCHFEST
Join us for the inaugural Newnan Porchfest, where the rich history and vibrant culture of Downtown Newnan, GA come alive through music, art, and community!
On May 31st, our beloved town will transform into a FREE music festival as local and regional musicians take to the porches of historic homes, while local vendors showcase handcrafted goods, paintings, jewelry, food, and more. Newnan Porchfest benefits The Newnan-Coweta History Center, which will host garden walks throughout the beautiful community. VIP experiences are available.
Families are invited to join in the fun with a variety of kids’ activities and games that will keep the little ones entertained all day long. And, of course, no Porchfest would be complete without our four-legged friends—dogs are not only welcome but encouraged to join in the festivities!
Newnan Porchfest promises to be a memorable experience that captures the essence of what makes Newnan a place like no other.
A Diverse Lineup of Talented Musicians
Artists & Vendors
Food Trucks & Drinks
Kids’ Activities
Dog-Friendly
VIP Experiences Available
Cornhole Tournament
Beer provided by Line Creek Brewing (Must Be 21+)
Optional “Opening Act” Pre-Party
Optional “Encore” After-Party with Concert from Special Guest Artists
Newnan-Coweta History Center Garden Walks
-NewnanPorchfest.com
The only thing this ambitious event was missing was a spoken-word performance by Newnan Time with Harold (I’ve been secretly writing a slam poem about Mayor Keith Brady for months now…).
Which brings me to my biggest and most disappointing point: look, I wasn’t at Porchfest, OK!
Even though I saw repeated ads about it, I just assumed it would feel like most live musical performances and have that sameness to them that once you’ve seen a few times, you’ve seen every time. Did I know it was going to be an absolute banger and unforgettable? No way! I spent my Saturday in Atlanta watching a burlesque Murder Mystery that was, dareisay, kind of a letdown for the price tag. If I could turn back time (and find a way), I would’ve hauled my mustached-butt over to Downtown Newnan and taken in all the sights n’ sounds n’ magnitude of the Newnan 2025 Porchfest. I can admit when I made a mistake and, UGH, I made my first mistake in life. Once you’ve seen one man in nipple pasties, you’ve seen them all (I’m assuming, please don’t test that theory).
But FEARNOT!
Ye of much fear
Because I am not required to attend an event to give an opinion on it. Just like the droves of people who call a movie a flop months before it arrives (looking at you, Snow White), I can confidently tell you, based SOLELY ON THE NAMES, who were the Top 10 performers of the 2025 Newnan Porchfest!
Number Ten: The Hardy Boyd Band (Rock)
If you’re anything like me, you’re gorgeous and hilarious and fun and a bright light to the darkness, and a huge fan of professional wrestling. The Hardy Boyd Band takes their inspiration directly from the well-known masters of the ring: The Hardy Boyz. The Hardy Boyz have proven to be timeless, resilient, engaging, and masters of their craft. It is only fair for me to assume a band with a name almost EXACTLY THE SAME are masters of their craft as well.
We are sure they did a fantastic job and body-slammed rock music into its rightful place (your ears).
Number Nine: Conman Boseway (acoustic rock)
There is a right and wrong way in life, but more importantly, there is a BOSEWAY.
What. A. Name.
And while this particular name doesn’t make me immediately think of music, it does make me feel safe. Like, if my daughter was kidnapped, Conman Boseway would flip off buildings, punch Newnan Nazis, and jump through the glass to save her. Conman Boseway is the type of name that could easily mean Jason Bourne’s hero or a James Bond bad guy. It is a name that is powerful in every sense of everything. How can it not be a stellar musical act? We’re assuming it was.
Number Eight: Melodie Fort (jazz)
It is difficult not to include the literal name Melodie on a list of the best musical acts of Newnan Porchfest 2025, so here she is in all her jazz-handed glory. Can you imagine what a metaphorical pillow Fort made out of Melodie’s would feel like? It’d be like getting hugged by Beethoven (the composer, not the dog… actually, no, the dog, too).
Number Seven: Sweet Grass Sally (singer-songwriter)
OK, this one might be slightly biased since my big brother is the bassist of the band, but also, the name Sweet Grass Sally is a thought-provoking, provocative, and unforgettable name.
Is it like:
Sweet grass, Sally?
Sweet grass, Sally!
Sweet grass Sally.
Sweet Grass Sally.
Sweet Grass! Sally!
The inflections you can play around with change so much about what they could mean by naming their band Sweet Grass Sally. The only thing we know for sure is that they set a high bar in the name.
A bit of a backstory, my big brother (the bassist) had a first wife named Sally close to the time this band started. Now, I can’t say for certain that the name has anything to do with Wife Sally, but I can say for certain that I’m gonna claim it does. And is anything more foolproof than my confidence?
Number Six: The Whole Problem (rock)
In the last three years of my life, I’ve been called a hundred different insults by people: narcissist, a**hole, selfish, monster, cupcake tits, etc… but the thing I appreciated the most was being told it was all my fault something didn’t work out. Accurate? Doubtful. Hurt my feelings? Of course. Sprinkles on top of my cupcake titties? You know it.
Being known as The Whole Problem isn’t something most wear as a badge of honor, but mad respect to someone who will. Can you imagine going to the worst concert of your life, seeing babies thrown in the air, porta potties that explode, guitars that turn into venomous snakes, having to hear a drum solo, and when someone asks who you saw, you get to say The Whole Problem?
And I am not claiming that a concert of theirs guarantees all the bad things will happen, but it does help the joke out a lot. More likely, they mean it in a “hide your hot daughters from us at the bar, because we’re here to cause trouble in their knickers,” kinda vibe. But if that’s not it either, then please contact us at 678 877 9070 so we can update the kinda vibe.
Number Five: The Expectations (rock)
What I love so much about this band name, and honestly makes me wonder if I should’ve ranked them higher, is that the meaning of their name changes every time you experience a new performance.
Show 1: “I’m not sure what to expect, I only know they play rock.”
Show 2: “Yeah, they did some covers, but they didn’t get enough time to show off their setlist. I expect some originals too.”
Show 3: “Yeah, they had a really catchy original but I expected more from the bass player.”
Show 4: “Wow! The bass player was awesome! I wonder if he’s single?”
Show 5: “Yeah, the bass player got me pregnant. We’re expecting in about 8 months.”
Show 6: “I didn’t expect our child to grow up to be a DRUMMER!”
Show 7: “He cheated on me…”
It is honestly brilliant, and if you do have a child with a member of this band, consider yourself LUCKY the little tot will grow up with such a high level of intelligence.
Number Four: Parachutes (rock)
Why does a band named after a life-saving device/sex swing alternative get ranked so high on my list? Because “the”. The lack there of “the”.
By omitting one word (the), this band stands out as a goldfish in a sea of silver… minnows? Sorry, I don’t know a lot about fish.
Imagine so many of the bands we know and love and how much more we could know and love them if they dropped the “The”:
Beatles
Rolling Stones
White Stripes
Who
Strokes
Jonas Brors (get it?)
The name Parachutes has so much oomph to it with the creative choice the band leader (likely a skydiver) went with. It could only be improved upon if they changed their name to “A Parachute”. Not that they need my help. They’re the fourth-best band at Newnan Porchfest 2025 for a reason!
Number Three: Love, Laura Lee (singer-songwriter)
I. Love. Alliteration.
And when I see alliterations in music I think, “Such singer-songwriters soar successfully” thanks to it!
I’ll be totally honest, I am not sure what the genre singer-songwriter means, but I do know I typically enjoy the sounds that come from it. It’s probably my fourth favorite genre:
Hip Hop
K-Pop
Country songs about a boat
Singer-Songwriter
When I close my eyes real tight, I can imagine Love, Laura Lee. I imagine her serenading birds and bringing peace to war-torn countries with her music. Maybe could even bring peace to birds by serenading them. The Bird War of Carolina is tearing them apart 😦
As far as names go on this list, I am genuinely the most curious to hear Love, Laura Lee perform. Lemme go check some of it out…
Pineapple Boyfriend (on Spotify) is an absolute banger.
Number Two: Kraken’s Release (folk)
OK, this one might be slightly biased since my big brother is the bassist of the band, but also, the name Kraken’s Release is a thought-provoking, provocative, and unforgettable name.
Is it like:
Kraken! Release!
The Kraken is Released!
Kraken, release…
Kraken’s Release!
Sweet Grass! Sally!
A bit of a backstory, my big brother (the bassist) had a third wife named Kraken close to the time this band started. Now, I can’t say for certain that the name has anything to do with Wife Kraken, but I can say for certain that I’m gonna claim it does. And is anything more foolproof than my confidence?
Number One: Lee Harvey Wallbanger (jazz)
The Harvey Wallbanger is a mixed drink made with vodka, Galliano, and orange juice. It is a variant of the screwdriver, and was very popular in the United States in the 1970s.
Lee Harvey Oswald (October 18, 1939 – November 24, 1963) was a U.S. Marine veteran who “assassinated” John F. Kennedy, the 35th president of the United States, on November 22, 1963.
Here’s a Harvey Wallbanger shooting JFK:
Newnan Time with Harold 